


Tips Are Appreciated But Not Required

by Unknown



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Carnie, Carnie AU, Carnival, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, Renaissance Faires, Renfaire, cath and kono do dangerous gymnastics, danny uses whips, grace is a cutie, so does chin but he's hot and frat boys fall in love with him, steve and danny like to tease each other's shows, steve eats fire and nails things into his face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 06:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown/pseuds/Unknown
Summary: An AU where the Five-0 team is a troup at a local ren-faire. Steve runs the torture show, Danny plays with whips. Cath and Kono do dangerous gymnastics stunts. Chin balances on his hands 12 feet off the ground on poles and does flips shirtless. Many women and men love him. For his finesse, not his body why would you think that at all ever ahaha.And Grover? Grover is the ren-faire king.





	Tips Are Appreciated But Not Required

**Author's Note:**

> There's this wonderful ren-faire in Carver, MA that I like going to. They have a bunch of stuff, but the highlights are the shows they put on. The guy who runs the Torture Show and the guy who plays with whips tease each other and make fun of each other's shows and I lived for it when I went. Also, Whip Guy got to whip Torture Guy and I... I just loved it, what a good time. Then this popped into my head, like, what if they were a married couple? At the faire? And this is what they do? Mostly cos whip guy had a wedding band and I immediately thought, OH MY GOD HE'S MARRIED TO THE TORTURE GUY ISN'T HE? So here it is. Some of the dialogue comes from them, but it's not verbatim cos my memory is shit. 
> 
> If this ever gets out to the faire, please don't sue me for intellectual property or whatever, I don't even know how that would work. 
> 
> And they really do a 'secret' show at the end of the evening with all those acts and I literally died of laughter. So many shenanigans, etc. And don't worry about Grace's role: in the actual show I saw, the woman was at least 21 and the guy's cousin. And the version I wrote about is very tame compared to the guy I saw. They put a sheet up and then he threw the knives with her unable to see him and him unable to see her. My mother screamed. Also, he really did shove a drill into his nasal cavity and turned it on. Which compared to the last time I was there four years ago, he stuck fishing hooks in his eye sockets. 
> 
> Anyway, if you live in New England, go check it out. 
> 
> What else? Ah yes, the Marines say OORAH, the Army and Air Force say HOOAH, and the Navy says HOOYAH. Also, the guy who is genuinely interested in Chin in this was genuinely interested in the guy who was doing acrobatics. He was also a frat dude and really was hitting on the acrobat dude, but not in a rude way. OK the take-your-shirt-off bit was kinda rude and cat-cally, but he backtracked and apologized and called that he was beautiful and could do anything afterward. Maybe not the best, still. 
> 
> Also! The title comes from the gist of what all the performers say at the end of their shows. They appreciate tips, but they're all very good about making sure that people don't feel pressured to do so. And yeah, Whip Guy? Really did have a velociraptor mask and advised us not to ask any questions about it. Bless his soul. He was very hot.

“Welcome to the Faire! Come on in folks, come on in. There are plenty of benches left open, feel free to take a seat. Come on in!” Danny called out. The joust had just ended, and his stage was fairly close to the jousting arena, so he always got a good amount of people at his 2:30 show. More people came, until the seating logs were full and there was a large group of people standing. Well, he couldn’t do much about that.

“Welcome! To those returning, welcome back, and to those who have never seen my form of entertainment, well,” he said. “Good luck and don’t sit up front.” A chorus of laughter. Danny had his favorite whip and cracked it, reveling in the oohs and ahhs it elicited. “This is my favorite whip. I’ve named her Winnifred. I call her Winne for short.” He cracked her above his head and to the side, then at the straw man on stage beside him. The whip got the pipe right from its mouth and Danny tossed it into the crowd. “If you couldn’t tell, this is a show about whipping. Exciting, isn’t it?” More laughs.

“Are you gonna whip us?” someone yelled from the crowd. Danny swung his whip around and let it wrap around his body. When he first started this gig, he had felt foolish. A guy who cracked whips and snatched things out of the air like Indiana Jones in purple pantaloons, leather belt and boots, and a white, lacy pirate shirt? How could he rationalize doing that for the rest of his life? And no, Rachel hadn’t liked it either and it didn’t help that his carnie life put strain on their marriage, and maybe even ended it, but playing with whips and making people laugh was something he loved. Now, it’s just natural.

“I’m not gonna whip you, no,” Danny said. “I will whip _me_ , though,” he qualified, and the crowd tittered. “My name is Damn Daniel and this is Whip It, the show where I whip things, I whip _me_ , and I try not to break any parts of my body. A show of whips, then.” He began to work through his whips, from his favorite, to the twin, thin whips and even to the largest whip in his collection that took a good amount of upper body strength to twirl above his head and snap. “Anyone know how these things work?”

“No!” someone yelled. “You wanna tells us sugar?”

“Mmm, I prefer honey,” Danny admitted to the delight of many. He laughed. “But I can tell you how this works. So! When you snap the whip, the tip goes faster than and briefly breaks the sound barrier, resulting in this.” He flicked his wrist and the whip flew and cracked. Delighted applause. “It’s also _very_ accurate during this time, which is how I can do this.” He put a length of straw in his mouth and snapped the whip at his own face, loving the scared gasps. He had cut the straw right down to his lips. He turned to the crowd and blew out the remaining scraps of hay from his mouth. “I know right?”

At the back of the crowd, Danny could see a few people looking at the events schedule on the map of the fairgrounds. He smiled to himself and waved from stage. A few audience members looked back.

“Sir!” he cried in a mock-French accent. “No need to look at your event schedule, sir. The joust is over and the only other thing going on right now is the torture show, and trust me, this will be torture enough.”

That got laughs. He knew it would.

* * *

“Alright everyone, I’m here to warn you that this Torture Show is a _rated_ show, as in PG-13. I see some kiddos in the crowd and wanted to reiterate that. Also,” Steve admitted. “The faire makes me repeat it like, twelve times in case anyone gets offended. You were warned.” Steve walked across the stage and smiled at a kid that looked about ten sitting near his parents. “As in, I say some interesting words and make some interesting gestures and do some interesting things that you might not want your kids to be exposed to just quite yet.” He grinned. "Also, because this is a PG-13 show, I can only technically say the word  _fuck_ once." Steve smiled then stopped in mock-surprise. The audience laughed and gasped. "Okay, and I just blew my one shot. Damn. Well, I am good at blowing things." He winked.

It got laughs from the crowd as usual, and only a few parents walked away with little ones, so Steve shrugged and decided to get on with the show. He was dressed all in black with leather boots, a leather belt, studded leather cloves, and leather arm braces. His head was adorned in a black bandana – just in case any of the fire-eating got out of hand.

“Alright everyone. My name is Steve McGarrett, two Rs and two Ts. No one ever remembers that,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “What even gives, right? Anyway, I’m a former Navy SEAL so I like dangerous and stupid shit, or else, hey, I wouldn’t have done that for most of my life, right? Am I right?” More laughs. Perfect. At this rate, he was sure he could beat out Danny. “I’m gonna do a few things for you today. First, I’m going to eat and play with fire. Next, I’m going to eat and throw knives. And third…” He stopped, let it hang in suspense. “I’m gonna nail something into my face. Ha!” Steve cried. “I bet you thought I was going to eat something again, didn’t you? Ha, no, I’m saving that for tonight when I get home.” The adults laughed, but so did a few of the younger people. Steve faux-gasped. “Parents, don’t be mad at me. Your children understand that joke because of you, remember that!”

The first act went well. Steve still hated the taste the oils left in his mouth when he ate and extinguished the flames on his rods, but he loved the looks on people’s faces when he held some in his mouth and then blew long flames onto and across the stage from the crowd. He still remembered the first time he did that trick for Grace. She had been eight years old and he had just started dating Danny. Steve had wanted Grace to like him so much that he had pulled out all the cool carnie tricks right on the first night they all hung out together. Danny had been shocked at how far he could spit that fire, but Grace had been delighted by it and Steve ever since.

The second act, well, he hoped people wouldn’t freak out _too_ much.

“That was awesome, if I do say so myself _. Of course_ a former Navy SEAL would be playing with fire in the middle of a ren-faire that sets up shop in the woods amid a bunch of trees and a wooden stage,” Steve said, rinsing his mouth out. Grace traipsed onto the stage as the audience laughed and clapped. “Okay, we’re gonna do a little back and forth to boost morale. Used to do this in the Navy _all_ the time. I’m gonna yell, WHAT SAILORS and when I do that, you’re gonna yell back HOOYAH. See, in the Marines, they say OORAH, but they stole that from us. Let’s try it before our next act, cos we’re gonna need it. Ready? WHAT SAILORS?”

“HOOYAH!”

Steve frowned and spun his SEAL knife. “See, you’d all get a few extra laps in the frigid ocean and another mile or two running through the woods with that kinda sound if we were back in the academy. But I’m nicer than my commanding officer was, bless Joe’s heart. So, you all get another go. Ready? WHAT SAILORS?”

**_“HOOYAH!”_ **

“Hey! That was _awesome._ You’re gonna need it. Not for me, but for her. Gracie, c’mon over here.” Grace ran over, dressed in russet leather pants and a red shirt and small corset. She had a mask on and her hair in a tight bun. She’d been doing cheerleading for a while and after helping out Kono and Catharine with their Wishing Well Women gymnastics routine, she had begged to be able to help Steve. She was fourteen now, and he was her dad, technically, so the faire had okayed it. Bless Grover’s heart, but he trusted Steve not to accidentally impale his own kid.

The crowd gave a series of _aws_ as Grace came over and waved.

“This is my daughter, the amazing Gracie Hazard. She’s going to be helping me with the knives.” There were gasps. “No worries, parents in the crowd. Gracie and I have practiced since day one and we know these routines like the back of our hands. Also, she’s my kid. I’m not going to stab her, accident or otherwise.” He smiled down at her. “Well, as long as she’s been behaving that is.” Only a few people laughed. “C’mon, have a sense of humor at this PG-13 show that does not include the untimely death of my fourteen-year-old.” He pretended to cover his microphone. “Actually, the real fun starts at midnight at the Golden Banana with-”

“Papa!” Grace cut him off. “You’re going to bore them. Go eat a serrated knife or something.” _That_ got laughs.

“She may get stabbed, ladies, gents, and friends in between. She _just_ may get stabbed. But first!” Steve took his SEAL knife. “I’m gonna listen to my kid and eat a serrated knife.” With that, he plunged it into his throat to the sound of screams and yells from the crowd. Last time, someone had fainted and cracked their head on the side of the log seating. This time, it seemed alright.

Grace led the clapping and hooting before doing a backflip and pointing to the wood target board at the back when she was on her feet again. Steve took his cue to remove his knife from his throat and whip it at the board, hitting the bullseye. More clapping then gasping as Grace removed the knife and stood with her face to the board and back to the crowd.

“This is where I need the hooyahs, people. I’m going to throw these lovely knives _around_ my daughter’s body, leaving a margin for error because I love her and don’t wanna send her home nicked. Cos lemme tell you, my spouse’s ex? Would not be happy about that.” More laughs, but some of them were tinged with nerves. “This is completely legal, I swear. Gracie baby, you ready?”

“Aye, aye captain!” she called. She made her body completely straight and with her arms by her sides and her legs together.

“This is where I need some hooyahs, friends.” He turned to the crowd, his knives shining in his hands. “WHAT SAILORS?”

“HOOYAH!”

“I SAID, WHAT SAILORS?”

**_“HOOYAH!”_ **

Steve took it as his cue to throw. He spun away from the cheering crowd and started thunking the knives around Grace’s body. He knew he wouldn’t hit her, but it was the thrill the crowd was on that really got his and Grace’s blood singing. It had taken several years to convince Danny this would eventually be a good idea. Rachel was another story, but they technically had custody of the kids after she and Stan proved they couldn’t stay in a stable environment for work. All’s well that end’s well, as they said.

With the last knife in, Grace turned around, did a few flips making her way over to Steve and then bowed when she landed on her feet. The crowd ate it up, and to be honest, it was Steve’s favorite trick to do. He loved being able to share this with Grace. In a few years, Grover had guaranteed that Grace could join whatever act she wanted or have her own show space. It was a good gig and it seemed like Grace was going to take him up on it, though Danny still thought she should at least _try_ college first.

“Why? So I can go into debt and realize I hate it?” Grace had said last time with a snort. “No way.”

“Our last act!” Steve said now, gaining the crowd’s attention. “I get to hammer something into my face. This, actually.” Grace produced a thick, stainless steel nail, then walked into the crowd allowing people to touch it and see if it’s real. It was real. Steve’s nose was already itching with what he was about to do.

“I think they know it’s real now,” Grace called. She held the nail in her teeth and walked back to the stage on her hands. When she got there, she flipped onto her feet and somersaulted onto the stage. She handed it off to Steve.

“So, the trick to this is,” Steve said. He stopped and laughed. “I guess I should warn you, it’s getting hammered into the center of my face, so through my nasal cavity.” A few people were already making faces. “What I’m about to say isn’t a joke: if you think you’re going to pass out, cos it’s happened, please sit on the floor.” People nodded and a few actually went to sit on the forest floor already. “The last guy who thought he’d be okay fell over right over there.” He pointed to a kid in back dressed as Peter Pan. “Blood? Everywhere.” He chuckled along with the rest of them.

“Do it, do it, do it!” Grace chanted softly beside him. _“HOOYAH!”_ Grace shouted.

“I think you just like seeing your Pops hurt himself Gracie Hazard,” Steve said.

“I do,” she admitted with a smile. “It’s funnier when Danno does it, though.”

“I bet it is,” Steve muttered. “Okay, so the _real_ secret to nailing things into your face is you gotta go straight. Now,” Steve said. “Like a lot of things in the renaissance, it can be hard to be straight. Just ask Damn Daniel at Whip It, he would know.” Steve winked at the crowd and made a kitty-cat meow. "If you know what I mean. Like I was saying earlier, the real fun starts at Midnight at the Golden Banana. You can find me and Damn Daniel as dancers there. I’m Sir Loin, and my fake-French-friend is Fillet Mignon. Catch us on the flip side.” Steve put the nail into his nostril. “But first: a little pain.”

He slammed the hammer down and a man in the crowd went down with it.

* * *

“If I set myself on fire, please do not call the authorities. My dad was a firefighter, I know how to Stop-Drop-and-Roll,” Danny said as he stuck his whip in a can of one of Steve’s flammables. “But it will be very, very unlikely and if it does happen, it won’t matter because I am so sweaty from flinging these whips around the fire would extinguish itself.” More laughs. “And I know, fire isn't usually my thing. It's Steve's - the torture guy's. See, if no one’s seen the Torture Show yet, I know I was talking shit earlier, but what Steve does is absolutely insane and he’s a maniac, so maybe go be horrified and scare your kids, if that’s what you like.”

“Does he scare you?” someone from the crowd yelled. Danny laughed.

“Me? Scared of that idiot? No, no he does not scare me. This trick was actually inspired by him since he likes to eat fire. He offered to just eat my whip if I needed a hand.” He winked as he pulled his whip from the can. Only a few people laughed. “Hey, friends, that was an innuendo. Get it? Eat my whip? No?” Actual laugher. “It took a minute, but that’s okay, we all got there in the end. Okay. Here we go.”

Setting the whip on fire was the hard part, but after that, Danny was able to hurl it above his head and snap it around and at the crowd, much to their delight. It took a few cracks to actually get it to go out, but once that was done, Danny let the whip’s momentum wrap it around his shoulder and chest, and took a bow.

“Alright, here’s the annoying part. This is my job, and I only get paid so much, so tips are very much appreciated but!” Danny said, standing up. “They are not required, so don’t feel like you have to give me your money and you also don’t need to run away, I would still love to talk to you even if it’s _not_ to exchange pleasantries over you giving me the green stuff.” He pulled a mask out of his bag in the back. “I’ve got a velociraptor mask for tips, if you so desire. Please, don’t ask questions about it. I have absolutely zero answers.”

Danny stood on a log bench and was flooded by people. Thank goodness; it was a Sunday and Sundays were usually a lot slower than Saturdays, but today was sunny and had a gentle breeze flowing, so it was perfect to be entertained outdoors. A few biddies came up with cash in hand, so he stepped onto a log bench closer to them and lowered his velociraptor mask. It was the only thing he could snag from their trailer this morning. Charlie wanted to be a dinosaur for Halloween this year.

“Hello, lovely ladies,” Danny called as they dropped money into his bag. “Thank you so very much, I appreciate it.” He peeked down and tried not to whistle at the fifty dollar-bill he saw one of them drop in. They were both dressed as Elizabethan era courtiers.

“I spy a wedding ring, Margarite,” one of them said, nodding to Danny’s left hand where there was, indeed, a golden wedding band.

“Ah yes, I am married, thank you for noticing. And before you ask, yes, my spouse _does_ work here as well,” he chuckled.

“Is she one of those lovely Wishing Well Women?” Margarite asked with a titter and flap of her fan. Danny tried not to choke. Him, married to Kono or Catharine? Yeah, if he wanted to be dead by noon.

“No, I am not married to a Wishing Well Woman,” Danny clarified, extending to mask to a few more people waving money around. “My spouse likes things a bit more stupid and dangerous than that.”

* * *

“Alright!” Steve said, removing the drill bit from his nostril. Another few people had passed out, but there was a throng of kids under thirteen who were flocking to the edge of the stage. “That’s it everyone. You’ve literally seen me drill into my face, but that’s how you learn how to hammer things in there. Now, that’s it folks. If you liked me, you can tip into my daughter’s fish bowl there in the back – or not, that’s cool too!” Grace waved from the back row holding a plastic fish bowl.

“But,” Steve started. “If you _really_ like me, you know, like Damn Daniel does-” He had to stop so he and the audience could laugh. “If you really liked me, you can see me again at 5:30 at the _Secret Show_.” There was a cheer, but he put a finger to his lips and shushed them. “It’s a secret. But! My spouse will be among the troupers performing, and you are free to guess who it is.” A few gasps went up and Grace rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know, of course they’re a trouper, who else would marry me? I drill into my own face. Thanks for coming everyone!”

* * *

“Hey look, people actually showed up to this,” Danny said as the stage seating filled up.

“WE’RE DOING A SHOW!” Catharine screamed at the passersby from on top of a log bench where she was standing.

“IT’S A SECRET!” Kono yelled from the stage, getting cheers from the crowd.

“People always show up,” Chin said with a shrug. He stretched and then climbed up a pole to perch on the top of it. Danny watched him go up and rolled his eyes at the wolf-whistles he was receiving.

“Take your shirt off again, Chin!” a buff-looking frat dude called from the side. He and his buddies were cheering Chin on, but the kid had stars in his eyes. “We love you, Chin!”

“Where’s my love?” Steve asked into his mic, adjusting it under his leathers. Danny laughed.

“I could give you some love, babe,” Danny offered. Steve flipped him off. “Ladies, gents, and friends in between, did we mention that the Secret Show is _also_ PG-13?” A chorus of laughter went up from the crowd. “Okay, well, we mentioned it now. We’re safe in legal terms, so don’t try and sue any of us.”

“Yeah, we don’t have the money for it,” Chin said from the top of his pole.

“Chin Ho, I don’t care if _your_ show is called Magnificent Maneuvers, this is called the _Secret Show_ and there will be no maneuvering!” Danny called up to him. “Unless you roll the inflatable dice and it says something to that affect.” Chin chuckled and flipped down, landing on his feet. The frat brothers cheered him on and yelled for him to give their buddy his number.

“I hope he lands on a dare square,” Steve said to Danny. Thank god they were all mic’d; the whole crowd could hear their back and forth, and with the build up that Danny and Steve usually got going by referencing each other so much in their own shows, the crowd was dying to see their dynamic. “So that one of us can dare him to do it.”

“He’s married, Steven,” Danny said. The frat brothers booed, and they could hear their amorous leader mutter, _fuck_. “She’s one of the jousters, sorry.”

“You’re married too,” Steve said with a smarmy grin. Danny shoved him away.

“Yeah, don’t remind me. Okay, Wishing Well Women, c’mon up so we can explain the game and get going,” Danny said.

“You really wanna tell us what to do Damn Daniel?” Catharine asked. She was in a purple leotard and shorts with black tights and leather boots. Kono was in a matching outfit. Both women came onto the stage and looked like they could beat Danny down in a moment. They were also taller than him.

“No, not me, that was Steve,” Danny said, backing away from them and hiding behind Steve’s hulking frame. Steve sighed into his mic. The audience laughed.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “Let’s start this.”

The game was simple: there were spaces on the gameboard Steve had drawn out on a dry erase board. They would roll the inflatable dice and depending on what they landed on, they had to perform something or the other. It wasn’t a very big board game, so someone would eventually get to the end of the drawn path in the half-hour they had before the fairgrounds closed.

“With that being said, is seems Chin is our most popular guy today, so our resident bad-ass will take the first roll,” Danny announced. Chin threw the dice into crowd, let them bounce around, and then requested they be thrown to the center aisle. He got a six, moved his piece and read the request.

“Do someone else’s trick,” Chin said. He turned to his friends. “Hmm. So, not gonna do Cath or Kono. It’s too close to what I do.”

“Excuse you, we launch each other into the air,” Kono countered. “You launch yourself.”

“See, another reason not to, I’d need a partner. Neither of you can lift me, and I don’t trust Steve _or_ Danny to handle me like that,” Chin laughed. The audience did as well. Chin turned on Steve and Danny. Steve was inching toward the edge of the stage, ready to run. Chin held his hand out to Danny. “Okay, Whipping Boy. Let’s do this.”

The frat brothers let out a cry of excitement, their leader back to a good mood at the prospect of Chin handling a whip onstage. The others, however, were of a different mind.

“Everybody run!” Danny yelled, grabbing Steve by his leather brace and dragging him down. A few people noticed and pointed. Catharine hopped onto Kono’s shoulders and kept her balance as Kono ran down the center aisle, eliciting gasps of awe.

“I’m not that bad,” Chin said and jerked the whip. He was able to crack it on the first go, but was unable to afterward.

“C’mon cuz!” Kono called. She was lifting Catharine by the ankles and tossing her into the air so she could flip and land in front of her.

“Shut up, show-off!” Chin called back.

After that, Steve rolled and had to find a drink from the crowd, Danny rolled and also had to find a drink from the crowd, Catharine rolled and had to remove an article of clothing, and Kono rolled and had to take a round of shots. The game continued on in a similar fashion until Chin rolled and landed on Danny’s favorite square.

“Oh, guess what time it is, Steven?” Danny called. Steve started back tracking.

“No, no way! No!” Steve yelled.

“Steve! Gets! Whipped!” Danny, Chin, Kono, and Catharine called. Danny hopped around in excitement as the others dragged Steve to the middle of the stage. He moaned and groaned the whole time. “This is the best. I get to whip him!” He snagged his favorite whip and cracked it a few times before standing behind Steve. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll aim for the leather.”

“Oh, you will, will you? That’s what you said last time,” Steve grumbled. He turned around and spread his arms and legs. “I have assumed the position, Danno.” A few murmurs of recognition went up from the crowd; they had heard Gracie Hazard say the same name at an earlier show with Steve. A few people exchanged glances. “Just warn me when you- OW!”

“Oops,” Danny laughed. “That got right behind your knee where there is absolutely _no_ leather. You need taller boots.”

“Taller boots make me look like an ogre,” Steve growled. “Ugh, it’s my roll.”

The game went on in a similar fashion. Catharine had to remove another article of clothing, so she ended up standing in just a leotard with her shorts and her tights thrown out to the crowd. Kono had to do someone else’s trick, so she climbed up Chin’s acrobat-poles and did a few twists to the crowd’s delight.

“That’s cheating,” Chin pouted. “We’re cousins. Our whole family does gymnastics – we trained with each other growing up,” he explained.

“We still think you’re the best Chin!” the frat bros yelled. Their leader blew him a kiss and Chin made a show of catching it and bowing in thanks. The young man turned beet-red and his friends congratulated him.

“Guess what?” Danny called once his turn came around.

“NO!” Steve yelled.

“Steve! Gets! Whipped!” they all yelled again, the audience joining in this time.

“C’mon, man!” Steve yelled as he got into position. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you,” Danny said. He smiled wide and genuine. “I also love torturing you. I mean, isn’t that your thing?”

“Shut up and whip me already!” Steve yelled. This time, Danny got him between the fingers. “Holy _fuck!”_

“And as this is PG-13, we only get one of those. Steve used it everyone!” Danny called.

“C’mon Steve!” Catharine said in irritation. “It’s just a whipping. Don’t you two do that anyway?”

“Only at midnight at the Golden Banana,” Steve said with a weak laugh, holding his hand. “We dance, don’t we Danno?” A few more looks from the crowd that recognized the name. “I’m Sir Loin, and he’s Fillet Mignon.”

“Oh, you finally decided on a name for me?” Danny said, coiling his whip back up. “I used to be Prime Rib, then Pork Cutlet. But that last one never really felt right.”

“Roll the damn dice, Catharine,” Steve groaned in response, trying not to laugh.

“Guess what?” Catharine called as she moved her piece.

“No,” Steve groaned. “Have mercy, babe.”

“Okay, see now I feel bad,” Danny said. “Okay, hold this piece of hay. I’ll hit the target, not you. But I gotta hit it like, a bunch of times okay?”

“I hate you,” Steve said, turning his back to Danny and holding out the piece of hay. “You can come onto the Torture Show next time and pull some scary whippings on me as a new act, how’s that?” Danny cracked the whip and half the hay snapped off. Steve swallowed hard. “You can use a cat-o’-nine-tails, or somethi-AH!” Steve dropped the rest of the hay, which was just splinters. “Oh my god, maybe not a nine-tails.”

“I didn’t shred you though, huh? Huh?” Danny said. “That act would let me have more sleep at night than you throwing knives at my daughter.”

“I thought she was Steve’s daughter?” an audience member yelled.

“She is Steve’s daughter,” Steve yelled back, turning around to face Danny. “Who wants to guess who my spouse is?” Steve called out into the audience.

“You seriously told people to guess? What’s wrong with you?” Danny said, hitting Steve on the shoulder.

“I won!” Kono called. Half the audience cheered, the other half was laughing at Steve’s and Danny’s antics. Their friends had continued playing the game without them.

“Look, Kono won!” Steve said.

“Stop trying to change the subject, you whacko.” Danny turned to the crowd. “See, I told you all I was married to a stupid and dangerous person.”

“You said he liked stupid and dangerous things!” Margarite said from the front row. The audience laughed, and Steve looked at Danny in mock betrayal.

“You said that about me?” he asked, hands to his chest, pretending to be hurt. _“Babe.”_

“Oh, stop it,” Danny muttered.

“Wait. I like you. Does that mean _you’re_ stupid and dangerous?” Steve said. More laughter. Danny glared at him. “What?”

“Let’s do the end game before King Grover kicks us all out, shall we?” Danny said. “Okay, Kono wins the role of being our helper for the last game!”

“But what about your marriage?” someone yelled.

“Yes, that’s in shambles,” Danny said with an eye roll. “Babe, get me the knives.”

“Ooh, knives,” Chin said.

“I regret winning,” Kono said as Catharine stood her in front of a wood board with holes in it. “Danny is throwing knives at me? Isn’t this his husband’s thing?” Kono moaned. “If you nick me, I’m suing.”

“You would sue me?” Danny asked as Steve handed him the knives.

“Yes,” Kono said.

“In a heartbeat,” Catharine responded.

“I wasn’t asking you,” Danny said.

“I thought I’d let you know, just in case you try to throw a knife at me,” she said.

“Wait, Kono!” Chin said running out from the back of the stage. He put a bucket down by her feet. “That way, if you get scared and pee, it goes in the bucket.”

“I’d put it on her head if I were you,” Steve recommended to the crowd’s delight.

“Or!” Catharine ran over and put the bucket on Kono’s head, then poured water on the ground by her feet. “This is better. Now, no one will tell if you did pee.”

“Really, Cath, you too?” Kono asked. “Betrayal.”

The trick went well enough. Kono survived unscathed and the crowd loved them all. There were a few people who left early once they found out that Steve and Danny were married to each other, but besides that, it went over well.

“And remember folks!” Danny called out as the crowds were dispersing.

“Tipping is much, much appreciated,” Chin called.

“Though it is not required,” Steve qualified.

“But we’re broke performers,” Catharine said.

“And one dollar between five people is only twenty cents!” Kono finished, standing on a log bench. “Now, who wants to give us their money?”

* * *

That night, in their trailer, with Grace and Charlie asleep in their bunks, Steve and Danny laid in bed.

“You think we’re doing okay by them?” Steve asked. “The kids, I mean. You know, cos we’re carnies?”

“Babe, this is our life,” Danny responded. “ _They_ are our life. And they love what we do as much as we do. Don’t worry so much.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve responded. He flexed his hand and winced. “You really got me good tonight, though.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. I-Was-A-Navy-SEAL,” Danny teased. He grabbed Steve’s hand and pressed a kiss to the bruises across his fingers. “I’m sorry. There, better?”

“Oh yeah,” Steve said with a laugh. “Much.” He pressed a kiss to Danny’s cheek. “I love you, Danno.”

“Yeah, I love you too, you big meathead,” Danny said. He pressed a kiss to Steve’s mouth and laughed when Steve nipped his lower lip. “By the way.”

“Yeah, what?” Steve said, not liking Danny’s tone.

“Did you really mean it about the combined act? I get to whip you for a whole half hour?”

Steve could only groan.

 


End file.
